The Wolf is Hungry

Most of us seek relationships because we have a desire to connect with others.  We have love in our hearts that we want to share with someone special.  We desire the give and take of a healthy relationship.  Companionship with someone who cares about us is can meet a need inside every healthy person.

I believe this is one reason why it can be a challenge to spot a wolf in sheep's clothing.  The sociopath does not have these feelings, yet he understands them very well.  He is an expert at using our own needs and feelings to manipulate us.  He knows we want to see the good in others.  He knows we believe in forgiveness.  He knows that we have all made mistakes we regret... have hurt others in the past and that we feel badly for it.

That is why he will be "honest" with us.  He will tell us about his failed relationships and how he's a better man now.  He will likely point out how he was a victim in the sense that he didn't realize his ex was "mentally ill" in some way.  "If only he had known, he would have handled it differently... would have been more loving."  Perhaps he says he's worked at bettering himself in some way.  He sees his mistakes in his previous marriages and has taken steps to overcome his weaknesses.  He's telling the truth.  He will not make the same mistakes.  He has learned and will fool his next victim all the more.  He will set things up more securely so she will have a harder time escaping.  He looks good on the outside and he knows it. That is the plan.  He is intelligent.  He has an excellent job.  His co-workers love him.  He has a temple recommend.  He attends the temple almost every Saturday.  He holds a calling.  He reads to a shut in each week.

The scriptures say, "by their fruits ye shall know them."  Be careful!  Have you ever chosen a nice, shiny, red apple only to find the core rotten when you bite it?

The core of the fruit might show: Children who dislike being around him, and ex-wife who is afraid for her whereabouts to be made public, a spot on the state child abuse registry,  a police report, a lack of deep friendships, 2 ex-wives who are now friends, supporting each other....

Below is a link to an eery blog.  When I read it, I see many, many traits of the real man I was with, although he is not the author of the blog.

From a wolf's own mouth (Note the picture he chose for his profile.  Interesting.)

I'm not sure there is any good way to help another understand.  I've lived it.  I've seen what's underneath the fluffy, soft, white wool.  It's a wolf with sharp teeth, whose instinct is not about love.  His instinct is to meet his needs.  The more tender and fragile the sheep, the better.... He's hungry!